i’m not claiming any of this is right because it was almost 30 years ago when i was going through this process myself and so much has changed about it. and let’s not forget the impact of social media on the college process. every single algorithm knows i have a son that’s a junior in high school. and every single college essay/college application counselor wants me to hire them to help us with this process. (no hate at all to these professionals! it’s just that every other post in my feeds is one of these businesses.) so what have been the steps, surprises + seeming silliness that we’ve come across?

how to even figure out where your kids might be interested in going after high school

i’ve blogged and posted about this before, but we did something we called the “college vibe visit” starting his sophomore year of high school. why did we do this? having a completely new process we knew were going to be embarking on, with a super busy family life, i kind of figured it might help to spread out this whole exploratory stage. we didn’t do formal tours. we didn’t even contact the schools. we just did these as small little family getaways to explore the campus, help get a feel for how big or small a school was, the area, and maybe sneak into a building or two to see what was what. how did we pick which schools to vibe visit? well, our son said he was interested in exploring engineering. so, we researched schools that were known for their engineering programs, cross matched with what we think we could manage tuition-wise, and honestly that we could drive to. our vibe visit list: purdue university-west lafayette, university of illinois-urbana/champaign, and iowa state university. getting to go to wonder around these campuses, eat at the campus hot spots, find the best sushi spots, and even renting the e-scooters for a late night ride were some of the memorable moments from each of these.

one other approach: if your high schooler has a specific interest in what they’d like to study, take a look at the summer camps those schools offer. this was one way that our oldest also checked off a vibe visit at another school, marquette university.

how else can you figure out if a school might be of interest to your student? the online virtual tour world of colleges blew up during the pandemic, and there are some amazing virtual tours available. this is a great place to start and to narrow down what might be comfortable for your student.

one of the biggest outcomes of these types of visits for our son? he got a feel for how far these schools were from home, and it helped him set a radius of how far he’s comfortable going from home which has helped us narrow down the list of schools. (fyi: he doesn’t want to have to get on a plane to go to school or to come home. he’s noted he would feel most comfortable 2-3 hours from home. this in and of itself is a huge thing to realize!)

the testing

okay, when i was in high school, we took the SAT. i took it twice, got the same exact score. (and it wasn’t anything to brag about!) it didn’t seem to be the big, huge, giant a** deal it is now. oh, and let’s not forget the ACT. this is also a thing.

we knew our son was required to take the ACT this spring, as a graduation requirement for his high school. cool. that date was locked and loaded within his school schedule (they took it during the school day). but he’d taken the ACT10 last year (again, a requirement) and wasn’t a huge fan, so he wanted to also take the SAT. and it just so happened his high school was one of the national testing sites for the SAT this spring, so we signed him up. our thought and approach to this? just go in and take both tests, without much preparation, we see what the scores are, and then decide if he wanted to buckle down and focus on more prep for one of them to take again. (one other thing i’m going to throw in here that is a consideration: many colleges and universities now are test optional. meaning you don’t have to submit your scores with your application materials if you don’t want to. however, i have heard rumors that for some programs at some schools, not submitting your test scores can be counted against you. from what we’re gathering, engineering tends to be a more competitive program, so he’s personally going to submit his scores. i don’t know if that’s true or not, but we’re erring on the side of sending scores.)

so he got his scores back on the SAT, he liked the SAT, so he’s doing more digging in and work to improve his SAT scores and he’s taking the test again. (he did take the ACT. we don’t have those scores back yet, but he noted “he preferred the SAT” so we’re going that route. again, who knows if this is the right thing, but we’re figuring this out as we go along!)

the essay

not even going to lie here: i don’t even know how to help him approach this. i’ve been told it needs to be a narrative vs. talking about an experience and it needs to be a topic that stands out. oh, and some schools have their own prompts. so if you have suggestions, send them my way, please.

encourage them to be the communicators

i’m going to put on my communications hat here and encourage students to be the main point of contact and the communicators with the schools they are looking at. this gives them an incredible opportunity to be the one who is establishing the relationship with the schools and practice their communications skills! they’re going to be the ones who own their college journey, their relationships with their professors, and now is a good a time as any to get them to get comfy with this process. (fyi: college professors won’t speak to parents. there’s a law called FERPA. your student can sign a waiver so their records can be shared with you.)

what kinds of things can high school students do to start this relationship? find out the admissions counselors in their area of interest and reach out to them via e-mail to ask for a zoom call. have them be the ones that set up the campus tours and visits. when you’re at the campus visits, make sure your student has a list of questions that they can ask. trust me, being comfortable with this is important.

another random rumor…which i don’t even know if this is true or not but it wouldn’t surprise me

it feels silly to even type this, but when i put on my marketing hat, i can kind of believe it. here’s the rumor: schools keep an engagement score on your student. i’ve heard everything from the schools track when your student does an on-campus tour, when they do a virtual tour, if they do a zoom session with an admissions counselor, if your student comes to see one of the admissions counselors at a campus/school fair, and even (wait for it), your student’s level of engagement with the school’s social media accounts. i have zero idea if this is true. can i see the tracking of on-campus, virtual visits, and admissions counselor calls? sure. the whole social media thing? who knows.

make it fun

my biggest suggestion: try to make this process and this year fun for them. they are still 16/17 years old, and they’re in this in-between of still very much being a kid and being asked to have opinions on something that is absolutely brand new (college? they can’t even imagine!) and very squishy in their minds (possibly moving away from home? what!?) and still having many high school firsts. it can all be super nerve-wracking and scary. i’m by no means suggesting you lock in and make everything about life just this process – it’s actually been so much better not doing this. spread out the visits and the talks. let them lead the way.

it’s okay if none of this is in their sights + it’s okay if it is. there are a lot of opportunities for our kids out there for the next step after high school: whether it’s military service, higher education, the workforce, overseas study, mission work, or trade school – they will all be okay.